magical pain of aloneness

To feel other than and unlike those around you is normal, but the truth is that is a painful choice. You can choose to trap yourself in a society or stereotype produced box. You can choose to be paralyzed by the pain it takes to be real, or replace it with convention, should and could. You can choose to create boxes for others, without understanding that your ultimate desire is being locked away within the barriers of authenticity you inflicted. Or you can choose to live box-less, with an imaginary toolkit that allows you to build the boundaries of what feels real and whole-hearted to you. I am undoubtedly grateful for the pain of cultivating my own sense of authenticity and, through the vulnerability of uncertainty, experiencing the freedom of choice.

Dropping normalcy and choosing individuality is completely inescapable isolation with your thoughts, awkwardness and residual shame. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it when I want to decompress an overwhelming interaction, but it’s challenging to look yourself in the mirror and commit to being kind to you and your reflection. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t spent nights staring at myself for longer than I’d like to admit, thinking of all the past times I’ve been hurt, have hurt, felt unworthy of belonging. Yet the mirrored-face staring back at me is intact, unaffected. Even when I feel the walls of society’s expectations closing in, I stare at my…